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Growing up in a family where there is parental addiction shapes how we learn to live in intimate relationships.
Anxiety levels around the kinds of behaviors that surround addiction and the inevitable relationship despair worms its way into our hearts.
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The Setup Maintaining a relationship with another person who is hiding an addiction can feel like a dance in which routines that circulate around drinking or eating, for example, become rigid and uninterruptible.
Or there are hidden behaviors that make the family system feel fake, superficial or tense.
mean your partner has a mental illness, but the effects of having an alcoholic parent can greatly affect your partner’s mental health, especially if the parent is still abusing alcohol (or other substances…addiction does not discriminate!
) The effects of parental substance abuse are far-reaching and often last for the adult child’s entire life.
You may not have made the connection between your partner’s family history and what shows up in your relationship, but the impact is huge.They learn that those they love can have terrible, frightening and sometimes immoral hidden sides.They learn to hide their true feelings because if they let them out, there will likely be some sort of explosion, implosion or painful scene.It's especially true when we watch those we love change into people we hardly recognize, which takes its toll on how we learn to be in intimate connection with those close to us.So, living with addiction often engenders an anxious sort of hyper-vigilance: we "wait for the other shoe to drop," we "walk on eggshells." We scan the faces of the people around us, the people we want to be close to for mood shifts, for reasons not to trust them.